


Mind Games

by impravidus



Series: Febuwhump 2020 [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Awesome Pepper Potts, Banter, Board Games, Cards Against Humanity, Co-Parenting, Crack, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Innuendo, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22824166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: “C’mon! How do you not know anything?!”“My three pHds would beg to differ.”“Then beg.”
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Pepper Potts, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623634
Comments: 21
Kudos: 290





	Mind Games

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pokeydotes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokeydotes/gifts).



“C’mon! How do you not know anything?!”

“My three pHds would beg to differ.”

“Then beg.”

Peter, May, Tony, and Pepper were gathered for their monthly game night where Tony and Peter were failing exponentially at TV Trivia.

“It’s not my fault that I have more pressing matters in my life than binge watching 80’s classic television shows,” Tony said.

“Well it’s not _my_ fault that I wasn’t brought into this world until seventeen years ago,” Peter retorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony asked with an accusatory edge to his tone.

“I _mean_ that I wasn’t alive to even watch these shows when they aired, and it’s not like they’re free to stream so I’m at quite a disadvantage.” 

“Just accept the fact that you’re gonna lose so we can move onto the next game,” May finally butted in.

“No. _No._ I’m gonna know this next answer,” Peter said.

May pulled a card from the deck. “In the first season of 24, Jack Bauer works for the Counter Intelligence Unit in which city?”

_“Well how am I supposed to know that?!”_

“Los Angeles,” Pepper said, resigned. “Let’s just move onto a new game.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” May agreed.

“What’s next?” Tony asked. “Maybe something that isn’t _rigged.”_

“Oh, well I heard about this game from one of the ladies at work. It’s like a more adult version of _Apples to Apples.”_

Peter’s face paled. “Oh no.”

“It’s called _Cards Against Humanity._ ”

“ _Oh no._ ”

“Oh, I love _Apples to Apples!_ ” Pepper said. “This could be really fun!”

“U-uh, I don’t think this is the _best_ idea…”

“Worried you’re gonna lose again, Peter?” May jeered.

“No! No, I’m not. It’s just…”

“Just what?” Tony asked.

“I don’t know if I want to play this with you guys.” Peter’s face was flushed a bright red.

“Ouch, bud. If that’s how it’s gonna be…” Tony started.

“No! It’s not that. It’s just,” he struggled to find the words. “It can get kinda raunchy.”

“You’re turning eighteen next month. You’re basically an adult. It’ll be fine.”

It was _not_ fine.

It turns out that despite being one of the classiest women that Peter had ever met, Pepper Potts, had the perfect sense of humor for this game. Mr. Stark, he knew had a past. May? He grew up with her and knew that she could throw an innuendo or two. But, Pepper Potts? He was absolutely flabbergasted. 

It made sense. She was with Mr. Stark. She must have had to put up with a lot and they must share some humor together too, but, oh boy. _Oh boy._ This was interesting.

And to make the matters even more interesting, May had gotten the Avengers expansion pack.

Oh it was interesting, alright.

“Okay, the black card is: ‘To be an Avenger, you need three things. Blank, blank, and blank.’” May read.

Tony giggled as he put his cards down, Pepper stifling a laugh as she put hers down, and Peter growing more and more anxious about his cards.

May picked up the first stack. “Okay. To be an Avenger, you need three things. One trillion dollars, a pHd in badassery, and a drunken group of middle aged toddlers.” She picked up the next stack. “To be an Avenger, you need three things. The Tin Man with a heart as big as his penis, 24-hour media coverage, and genetically engineered super-soldiers.” And finally, the last stack. “To be an Avenger, you need three things. ‘Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content,’ dead parents, and doing the right thing.” May took a moment to think. “I gotta go with the last one.”

Peter let out a whoop of cheer. “Pass it over.”

Tony groaned. “That wasn’t even three things! That was like seven.”

“It was still three cards,” May said with a shrug. She handed Peter the black card. “Good one, sweetie.”

“Dead parents. I got ‘em, Mr. Stark’s got ‘em. Seems like a theme.”

Tony looked to Peter with concern. “Okaaay, next black card. ‘How would you describe your favorite Avenger?’” Tony read. “These all better define me.” 

The three threw in their cards and Tony shuffled them lazily. “Alright. We’ve got ‘being a motherfucking sorcerer.’ Ugh. Strange. ‘A falcon with a box on its head.’ Ha. Sam would. And ‘alcoholism.’ Uh, rude.” He made a face similar to the kombucha girl as he thought about it. “Well actually. Very accurate. Because Strange and Sam do not compare to my perfection, whoever put down alcoholism wins.”

“Woo!” Pepper called out.

“Alright, this one could make Pepper win, so be careful what you pick, kid.”

Peter pulled the next black card. “What does Tony Stark need?”

“Another glass of sparkling lemonade,” he replied almost immediately.

“Don’t look at me. I’m not getting you another drink,” May said.

Peter looked through the cards. “A bitch slap, ‘advice from a wise, old black man,’ or world peace.” He squinted at the cards, the cogs turning in his brain. With a nod he chose “a bitch slap.”

“Finally! I won one,” May said, happily taking the black card.

"A bitch slap? Really?" Tony asked.

"We all know you deserve it."

"Yeah, I do."

“Okay, my turn,” Pepper said. “What is one thing that Spider-Man can’t avoid?”

Cards in the pile.

“Self-loathing, unfathomable stupidity, and puberty.”

“I’m done with puberty!” Peter said, voice cracking.

“And just for that, ‘puberty’ wins,” Pepper said.

“Me again! Man, I am on a roll,” May sipped on her cabernet sauvignon.

“Well, then it’s a good thing you’re judging next,” Tony said. 

She picked up a black card. “What is Tony Stark doing right now?”

“Dying of dehydration,” Tony said.

“We can take a break if you need more sparkling lemonade,” May said.

“Nope. No. Let’s just continue. I’ll survive.”

White cards down. “Being a busy adult with many important things to do, whining like a little bitch, or being fabulous.” She smirked. “Definitely whining like a little bitch.”

“That’s me!” Peter stated loudly.

Tony clutched his heart. “Betrayed! Utterly betrayed.” He grabbed the next black card. “Who is Tony Stark?”

“What’s with all these Tony Stark questions?” Peter asked.

“I did revolutionize the modern Avengers,” Tony over-exaggeratedly flipped his non-existent hair.

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” He threw his white card down.

“Okey dokey. Poor life choices, Robert Downey Jr., hey wait, I do _not_ look like Robert Downey Jr.”

“Yes you do,” the other three said in unison.

He rolled his eyes. “Or daddy issues.” He nodded. “Brutal. However, gotta go with poor life choices.”

“And I win!” Pepper announced.

“Of course she won,” Tony whined.

Peter clapped. “Great. Well now that I’m forever scarred for life, I think I’m gonna go on patrol. Nice knowing you. From now on, I am just the mortified ghost of Peter Parker.”

“Get me another glass of sparkling lemonade while you’re up.”

“Nope. Get it yourself.”

“C’mon!”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, my Tumblrs are official-impravidus, incorrectirondadquotes, and badmcufanficideas :)


End file.
